A Fractured Acquittal...

It was the first year of my primary school. Was a day like any other. It was just past recess.

I was back in the class after watching boys from my class play pakdapakdi (catch-n-cook).

I remember D'Mello teacher had come into the class. She was a replacement for Gaekwad teacher, who had proceeded on long leave for some reason. I was quite fond of her, as were many boys of the class. She seemed to be very beautiful, and quite adorable, apparently contradictory to the quite strict Gaekwad teacher, who was our actual class teacher.

There had been some incident. And I was paying good attention to the goings on, like all first standard boys do when the teacher is broaching some serious subject.

SN had fractured his hand and the discussing was abouot how it happened, and who was responsible for it.

Then PK stood up and said "It was Shailendra". This accusation struck me out of the blue; and I did not what to say, except for mumbling something like 'It was not me...". What ensued for the next many days was a relentless effort on part of my teachers and SN's mom, to make me accept responsibility. I do now understand SN's mom's concerns too. Somebody had ended up causing pain to her son, and she was bent on making the person supposedly responsible, accountable for it.


But, I even as yet do not completely comprehend how the boys came up with my name . Maybe it was decided to blame someone out of their coterie.


The next few days were indeed very humiliating for me. I remember a new punishment being meted out in those days. And I fell to it too, when I had always believed that I was on the better end of the spectrum to be able to cause something to make me a candidate for this punishment. I had to stand the door with my shirt removed. This punishment was way too much embarrassment for me. I tried to hide myself as much as possible, especially when any peon came with some register, or any other teacher visited the class. But then I still could not avoid what I feared the most. Another class-teacher dropped by with her set of de-shirted culprits and asked me to join this notorious parade in other classes. The jeering and the smirky laughter in the classrooms made me really choke up my embarassment. I was looking directly at my feet, avoiding any eye contact, much like a pigeon when cornered by a cat.


I also remember thinking how could such sweet teacher/s, whom I also respected so much, mete something like this to me, and for no fault of mine too.


That was my first experience of such kind, and for a first standard boy, it was indeed troubling. I do not know, if, as a 6-7 yeard old, I had carried the added emotion of anger at being wrongly implicated, or only a worry of having to exonerate myself of the charges.

But what I remember being those days, is being steadfast with the belief that I had not done it.

I remember my family believing in me and backing me up.

I could not totally convince my school though, but they never could really conclude positively that it was me. May be that's why SN's mom tried extra, to get a confession out of me.

This took quite some toll on me as a sensitive 6-7 year old.

Nearly quarter of a century has passed after this incident. SN recently found me on orkut.

He scrapped me the following "Hey Shailen....do u remember me? we did school together. once i had a fracture and blamed u for it, hope you don't still hold it against me ......how r u doing man!!!!...kuthe aahes ani kai karto aahes. I am in ................"

I consider myself not only formally acquitted :-), but also vindicated. This also vindicates the faith that my parents put on me.

I had never relented then, since I believed in myself; and as well because my family believed in me. My mom had to do a few rounds of my school, but consistently maintained her faith in me.

One thing that this fractured acquittal proves, is that a wrong suffered and as well a wrong perpetrated, of whatever magnitude, reside permanantly in some corner of our minds. Exposing themselves even on the lightest wind might blow that direction.

As days turn into years, I too, have accumulated many wrongs sufferred and wrongs done in various corners of my mind. And no, these never balance each other out in the mind, but collectively act to misalign our compass. At times, the centrifuge of these scattered wrongs is so strong, that the brain cascades into a negative thought spiral overdrive reflexively. Shrouding our minds with a negative feedback our brain could do without. Making it overwhelmingly difficult to act just 'right', or respond positively to situations. Making us behave rather strangely, at times, even by our own standards.

Concluding positively, there indeed exist people, who refuse to get sucked into the negative spiral, making life easier and happier for themselves and those around them.

Bhai, yahi sehat ke liye achha hai...!

P.S. :
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First Relevent Platitude : You cannot control how people act, but you surely can control how you react.
Second even more Relevant Platitude : You cannot let others actions control your emotions.

I guess, putting the two together would imply not having an emotionally motivated reaction to a situation, but a controlled response aimed to balance out things.
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